Life’s Playbook #3

Stop assuming; just ask. 

No such thing as a stupid question. We’re not talking about it in terms of educational aspects, but in the social, everyday situations.

How often do you find yourself hiding within your thoughts; worrying over whether someone did or didn’t say something, and if they did, why? or you assume how they feel/think?

These things crosses your mind, and yet, you’re never certain of the answer. Somehow, asking the root of your problems ain’t your forte. So, you’ll just settle with an answer you’ve concocted for yourself.

Well, this has to stop now.


Why do we assume? 

Miscommunication. 

Passing on information between peers is like Chinese whispers. When we relay what we hear, see, or are told, some details can get distorted. Eventually a few things might be taken or added into context.

Our opinions are also added into the mix, and that can change or influence people’s perspective on the situation.

Limited information. 

If the gossip given doesn’t have too many details, it’s only natural for individuals to try and finish the story themselves. They add onto the story through piecing things together, whether it be from experience, incorporation of related past events, or purely emotional gut-feeling.

Why don’t we just ask? 

Fear of confrontation. 

People can be shy, when it comes to speaking out for themselves. It usually comes from not wanting to be a bother, or the lack the confidence and ability to articulate.

Additionally, fear of confrontation can come from upbringing. Possible past traumatic experiences can make people want to avoid or hide away from the problem.

Fear of negativity. 

We’re always afraid to hear what we don’t want to know. It’s because we fear that we’ll end up disappointed or hurt. Negativity is usually not taken very well, and it takes a lot for some people to accept it. As a coping mechanism, we tend to make up our own answers, so we don’t have to find out the harsh truth.

Why shouldn’t we assume? 

Drama. 

We assume a lot of things. A lot. When we do assume and gossip, drama is usually thrown into the equation as well. Tear between friendships/relationships/relatives can happen, and those usually turn out to be quite nasty.

If you think about it, fights over something that weren’t actually true; all because of assumptions, does seem a little silly.

Self-destructive. 

Overthinking the situation is a big factor in how we make assumptions. We tend to think the worst-case scenarios. We self-hypnotize ourselves, so we don’t get our hopes up. In case we do find out the truth, this self-hypnosis will prevent us from further disappointment.

This is considered unhealthy behavior, as individuals will be left feeling incompetent, insecure, or possibly, unhappy with their lives.

End Scene: 

Asking for the real story and or the answer would save a lot of trouble, dissatisfaction, and grudges.

If he/she doesn’t like you; a few little heartbreaks won’t kill you. Haven’t you heard of plenty of fish in the sea?

If someone thinks negatively of you, because they’ve assumed something, does it really matter? You’ll meet other people, who will enjoy your company.

Honestly, you really don’t have anything to lose, so just ask. If the answer isn’t the one you want to hear, then you move on.

– Charlotte T.

Food for thought: Despite asking, what if they don’t give you the real answer?

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